"A Little More On My Shoulder, Honey"

Since B first asked me what I wanted the honeymoon to look like, I've been pretty specific and yet altogether vague. My basic answer? "Sand. Warm. Cocktail. Massage." Lather, rinse, repeat as needed for 7-10 days.

So it should come as no surprise that whenever I need a pick me up, I troll through the links he's sent me and peek at the pools, the views, the big old beach chairs, and, of course, the spa menu. It's the perfect time to stipulate what will not be happening on the honeymoon, right B? Right? B?

Escape Together: A Couple’s Retreat Experience a retreat where time has no meaning; where body, mind and spirit return to perfect harmony and your journey together takes flight. Choose from two duet combinations: a sensual mud mask with alone time to apply healing mud to one another, a wrap and calming scalp massage, a 60-minute Seaside Sedation Massage, and 30 more minutes of alone time to enjoy your private terrace, hot tub, tropical fruit and local love potion OR a private yoga session especially tailored to couples on our yoga deck overlooking the ocean, a 60-minute Seaside Sedation Massage, and 30 minutes of alone time to enjoy your private terrace, hot tub, tropical fruit and local love potion. 2.5 hrs.

I do not see this going well for us. For one, I don't like mud. Especially on me or under my fingernails, so I don't think I could give or receive such treatment without wincing. And what do you wear? Do you ruin a swimsuit? Or am I naive to think swimsuits would be involved at a public spa?

The spa also says to leave your jewelry behind, which just leads me to believe that this whole thing is a dynamic rouse by the management team. "Ok, the Kappels are booked for that mud rub-down thing we made up at 1pm, so make sure to sneak in and look for that rock I saw her sporting at check in."

Realistic? Yes. Cynical? Slightly. Missing B? Definitely.