Keep That Secret

"Your bridesmaids dresses are just lovely! Wherever did you find them?"

"Thanks Auntie! They're from Victoria's Secret. Sexy, right?"

This is a conversation I do not want to have at my wedding, or anytime thereafter. I'll admit that I would definitely love to have received a sexy little black dress during some point in my bridesmaid service, but I'm not sure I want my ladies flashing their goodies to God, my grandma, and all other church witnesses. It just feels like a bad idea.

I haven't chosen bridesmaid dresses (or, um, bridesmaids, for that matter), but I'm betting that, when I do, they won't come on a page with a product description that says "Encourages lingering goodbyes," even if they are on sale for $85.

You should check on a new trend that I've seen in a few places and has now found a home on Victoria's Secret's website: the 7-in-1 bridesmaid dress. You get one mid-calf dress made from the luxurious fabric of imported polyester/spandex matte jersey in either Sour Cherry, Paradise Pink, Ultra Teal, or Black. (What, no "Luscious Black"?) The dress fits right underneath the bust line with a flowing skirt. From the bust up, it has two large swaths of fabric that be can arranged/worn/draped as either a tube top dress, a halter, cross back (where it, shockingly, crosses in the back), one-shoulder, tie-waist (topless? Ah, no it's over the shoulder and then tied around the waist, so it looks drape-sleeved. Ironically, the most modest version), back-braided (racer-back), or twist-around (square-necked cap sleeve version).

I have enough trouble getting into a regular bridesmaid dress, what with the special "underpinnings," interior hooks, zipper, shawl, sash, and bow. Now I have to figure out how to tie my drapy fabric to look like everyone else's? And I have to tell everyone it's "Sour Cherry Red?" What if I'm a bitter bridesmaid? Or maybe that's the ironic part.

Either way, I've learned my lesson. Bridesmaid dresses are a tough market. You're fitting various levels of modesty, body types, and personality styles. I like Ann Taylor's take on the fashion, but at around $198 for the ones I like (or up to $228 for the ones that are also nice. Oh wait, $328. Eek!), that might be a little pricey. Afterall, if I'm going to ask my friends to help dress me, they may as well be happy with how they've already dressed themselves.