Dream Dream Dream...

Clearly, the countdown must be winding down, as now I'm starting to dream about the wedding again. Not only am I dreaming about it, but now my friends are dreaming about it, too. From H:

OMG, A, I totally dreamed ALL NIGHT LONG about your wedding. There were like 5,000 people there and you had told us that we would be surprised when you came down the aisle...and when you walked down, you had on a sweatshirt and pajama pants... and you were like, "I just didn't want a big wedding. I just wanted it to be really relaxed and low key." B had on jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. But your hair was in a beautiful up-do and you had the 90's tendril ringlets framing your face. And we were all like, "Oh my gosh! What is she THINKING?" because of the way you were dressed. You had to be there, I guess. It was hysterical... one of those stressful dreams where you wake up and feel like you haven't slept at all... ughhh... please don't do that to us.

So last night, after spending several hours playing with iMovie and realizing how (fairly) simple it is to create a wedding slideshow, I went to be exhausted and had this crazy dream where, instead of marrying B, I got hitched to some guy from high school instead.

I saw the whole thing going down. Oddly, it wasn't a "I can't marry you" moment of crazy, but rather some behind-the-scenes mob-infused situation where I couldn't marry B, for either his safety or mine, only my brother-in-law knew for sure, and he couldn't say.

So I went through the whole wedding, staying until the end when my Mom dropped me off at my new husband's house. I profusely thanked her, saying I'd never been happier, blah blah blah, and as she drove away, I was crushed, knowing that I hadn't married B, and what's worse, I was bound to this other guy. Forever.

So I go inside and all his friends are hanging around. The guy (who shall remain nameless) was so sweet and kind. His buddies were in jeans and the house was a wreck, but he was still in a tux, trying to clean out the old pizza boxes from the kitchen table. I told him I needed a few minutes and went into his room, locked the door, and surveyed the mess in there. Bed unmade, clothes everywhere.

I put all his things away and cleaned the room, then went into the bathroom to change out of my dress and take my contacts out. I looked at myself in the mirror and just let my head rest against the glass and started thinking about how I couldn't ever be with B, and how I'd vowed to stay with this guy, for the sake of family safety, forever. Then, I remember actually praying, "God, help me learn to love him."

How scary is that?? I can't imagine. I've been thinking so much about the vows and the marriage sacrament, so dream me knew that I couldn't just reneg on the vows, but I had to go through with them, so now I was stuck and the only thing I could think to do was pray that God would help.

I woke up at 6 am in a panic and, honestly, almost got up and went to the gym. What else was I going to do? Instead, I calmed myself down for about 30 minutes, assuring myself that I, in fact, could marry B (who, just this morning after hearing all this, made me promise I would be marrying him in May, mob or no mob), then went back to sleep.

I know the overall dream is just a grim fairy tale, so it hasn't upset me, but I am bummed because I remember loving the flowers and the lighting and, well, all the little details. And now I don't remember what they were. I do remember that the lock on the bedroom door was an intricate wooden thing made from a laundry drying rack. But flowers? No dice.