Catholic Church: 1, B&A: 0

B and I had hoped that Father Joe, from Duke's Catholic Church, would be able to perform our ceremony in May, but it turns out that we're overlapping just enough with graduation events that he's an official no-go. Bummer! I never got to meet him, but have heard great things from B.

He turned us down yesterday when B went to meet with him in his office and, sadly, after I got the update I wanted him to do our ceremony even more! Apparently he and B had a great talk about what marriage was about and people's expectations.

In a nutshell (albeit a second-hand nutshell), it seems Father Joe's take was that people always try to prepare for the big change of marriage but that, in reality, your goal is to have nothing change. You should keep doing the little things that made you fall in love with each other, and the kind things that you do thoughtlessly, but that hold great meaning for the other half of your relationship.

I like that. Instead of turning our worlds upside-down, B and I should try to keep them the same. I'd heard this regarding the wedding ("Don't overwhelm him!" "Talk about things other than wedding stuff like you used to before you got engaged!"), but never about the marriage.

It'll be interesting to see how we apply that theory. We've already been cautioned by Deacon Bill to get a housework gameplan on the books ("even though you'll throw it out in six months"), so the temptation (and even advice) is to write down everything that needs to be done around the house and split it up as evenly as you can.

I'm going to come right out and say I don't like that. I like cooking, and B often keeps me company in the kitchen and helps with chopping, mixing, etc (Unless it's his spaghetti sauce, in which case I'm relegated to a bar stool with a glass of wine.). So I don't want to "have" to share cooking, because it makes me happy. Doing dishes also makes me happy, ironically enough. I find it really soothing and stress relieving, especially if I'm stressed over something I can do nothing about.

Other things I like: folding warm laundry, changing sheets, keeping the kitchen clean, wiping down the bathroom mirror, putting away groceries.

Things I like less... ok, hate: putting away clean laundry, anything to do with floors (are they ever really clean?), dusting (I don't notice until it's tooooo late), taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher.

(Are you seeing a trend? I hate putting things away...)

Really though, I think the easiest, most logical way to split things up is by what you notice. I notice dishes in the sink, so I clean them. I notice laundry in the hamper, so I wash it. I don't notice dust, I turn a blind eye to the drying rack, and I never notice the trash or dishwasher being full until it's too late and has caused a problem.

That said, I don't know what B notices, but I think it would be hard to assign us things that didn't occur to us. Why would I sit and stew that he hadn't put the dishes in the dishwasher if I've noticed them and he hasn't? I'm just hoping that he abhors dust and, from the looks of his apartment, he just might.

I like this article, and the quote that goes with it:
George Eliot wrote, What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?

Maybe I'm crazy, and I know there will be some kind of flow-chart at some point (I mean honestly, have we met?), but I think we're going to be fine. Any advice?

In the meantime, we still need a celebrant. Maybe we'll check the classifieds...