No sitting on the baby's head.
Penises belong in the bathroom. (Isn't that from a movie?)
Things I've Had Said to Me This Week:
If someone asks to see your penis, you have to say "I'm sorry, it's a private part." (age 3)
And my favorite:
Three year old: You hide the Easter eggs and I'll find them!
Me: Ok. Count to ten then go looking.
Three year old (each time he found one): Hm, you can do better. You can do better. You can do better. I really think you can do better.
Me: Well, you've only found three eggs and I hid eight, so we'll see, right?