Your Big Day vs. My Big TKTKTKTK

I have to send a sincere thank you out to all the women I've been a bridesmaid or maid of honor for. That's right, all eight of you. You may have put me in neon pink (B), or navy blue elbow-length gloves (H... but it was the 90s), but you never once asked me to do what Kacey Knauer asked her bridesmaids to do: Botox.

The New York Times is running a story about bridezillas, only is giving them fair treatment, which almost seems unfair, especially if you're a bridesmaid.

I've been a bridesmaid a lot (see above, the number rhymes with "great"), and generally I'm asked for some combination of the following:

Purchase dress, shoes, earrings, necklace.

Attend shower, brunch, luncheon, bachelorette weekend.

Throw shower or bachelorette weekend.

It can be a lot, but it's fun and never overwhelming. These women (yes, they're women, mid-thirties to be exact) asked their attendants to get something from this list:

Spray tans

Teeth whitening

Botox

Implants

Lipo

...and that includes their mothers-in-law! I can't image asking my (nonexistent) mother-in-law to please ditch the crows feet around her eyes so that my (nonexistent) wedding pictures wouldn't be tainted by (gasp!) reality. Seriously, do you want your mother-in-law looking better than you on the big day? Scary.

But that's besides the point. The real question is, when did being a bride endow you with the right to pass judgement on your best friends? I'd be crushed! And I darn sure wouldn't be wrinkle free. Forget that.

I think I'd draw the line at teeth whitening. If the bride (who happened to be a dentist) offered to give us all whitening treatments as a gift, then I'd accept. But if I had to a) pay or b) make an appointment with a strange dentist I didn't know then count me out.

It reminds me of another bride who wound up in Newsweek for her "Bridesmaid Contract." Bless her heart--the contract (which stipulated her maids couldn't get pregnant or gain more than 5 pounds between then and the wedding) was a joke meant to spoof the bridezilla she wasn't going to be. Unfortunately, her sister (!) leaked it and it went viral. And the bride had more to worry about that a preggers bridesmaid--she was fending off death threats and mean phone calls.

My thought is that if your bridesmaids are already wearing clothes you picked out for them (low-cut? sure... no way that's going to look inappropriate for your Nana when I'm readjusting your train at the front of the church), then maybe you should refrain from picking on them for, say, I don't know... the rest of your happy life together as a couple. Just a thought...

...By the way, if you don't know, "TK" is writer-speak for "to come," never mind the c and the k confusion. It just means "I'll fill it in later," or more likely "some intern will fill it in later." It's obnoxious, pretentious, lazy, and (to be honest) how I get through writing deck after deck. By the way, if you don't know, a "deck" is....