Moving Foibles

B (coming into the bedroom, noticing I was awake): I almost strangled you this morning.

Me: Whaaat? I've been sleeping.

B: I decided to clean out your backpack.

Me: Ohhh, bad idea.

B: Seriously, I found broken razors in there. Plus a cord I've never seen before.

Me: Well, and the food.

B: What food?

Me: You haven't gone into the side pockets yet, have you?

B: I didn't even know there were side pockets. (Leaving the room.)

Me: No! Let me do it!

B (in other room): Seriously? How old is this gum? It's stuck to itself inside the wrappers. And what are these?

Me (eyes closed): I'm betting breakfast bars.

B: This is gross.

Me: What's gross is that we already moved it like that once and I was perfectly fine doing it again. I love you.

B: I know.

Me: I'll kiss you if you go wash your hands.

B: Unbelievable.