Me: Whaaat? I've been sleeping.
B: I decided to clean out your backpack.
Me: Ohhh, bad idea.
B: Seriously, I found broken razors in there. Plus a cord I've never seen before.
Me: Well, and the food.
B: What food?
Me: You haven't gone into the side pockets yet, have you?
B: I didn't even know there were side pockets. (Leaving the room.)
Me: No! Let me do it!
B (in other room): Seriously? How old is this gum? It's stuck to itself inside the wrappers. And what are these?
Me (eyes closed): I'm betting breakfast bars.
B: This is gross.
Me: What's gross is that we already moved it like that once and I was perfectly fine doing it again. I love you.
B: I know.
Me: I'll kiss you if you go wash your hands.