This week has been a swirling whirl of emotions. I've surged "up" in happiness about celebrating Thanksgiving and all that goes with it... food, family, friends, leftovers... and then plummeted "down" thanks to hurting my toe, missing Dad, and having to leave my job.
I was fighting a lot of issues until I talked to Mom, my beacon of wisdom on perspective, who said such wonderful, encouraging things to me.
It's been hard for me to process all of this change. I'm doing great now (thanks to B and our Christmas tree decorating plans for later this evening), but it's been a hell of a "season" in my life. Never have I been so excited and happy and in love, but also, never have I experienced such heartache, confusion, and sheer transition. As I talked to Mom in the Atlanta airport, she said, "I know God never gives you more than you can handle, and I really feel that maybe God thought that losing your job, getting married, moving away, and losing Dad all in the same week might have been too much on you, so he delayed what he could, giving you your job long distance until you could handle that transition, too."
I think she's right. I can't imagine the huddled mass I would've been this summer had I have entered B's parents home so completely broken with no clear purpose for my days. Instead, I had my job and a list of things that had to be done each day. Thank you God!
Mom also said she looked out the back window and saw a bald eagle, a rare but occasional treat at the Florence home, and remembered that eagles weather storms by raising their wings and rising above it all. Excellent advice, indeed.
So I'm back in Durham now, working with HR to finalize details and feeling such great peace about what B & I are walking into in the coming months. I'm so thankful for what I have in my life right now. What I'm given is a blessing. My job was a blessing for four years. Dad was a blessing for longer than that. My friends and family continue to be blessings to this day. God forgive me for ever taking any of them for granted.
2 comments:
awesome post and awesome perspective, ashley. i know what it's like to lose a father and it's very difficult. you try to make sense of it all and try to understand why but it just never comes. i remember learning at that time that as much as my personality wanted to find reasons and answer all those questions, that God doesn't call me to make sense of His plans and He doesn't call me to understand. He just calls me to trust. I hope that you (and I) will find joy in this holiday season and be constantly reminded of the TONS of blessings we have in this life. Hope this week is much better!
Hey A, thanks for this post. You know, leaving Birmingham and SPC was one of the hardest transitions I've ever made (and I didn't have to work through a fraction of the issues you're experiencing!). But it's been just over a year later, and I can see so clearly now the path God has laid out for me, especially job-wise. Truly, He is good. During those difficult months just after I'd moved to Canada, I clung to Jeremiah 29:11 - maybe those words might provide some comfort to you, too?
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