Monday, May 25, 2009

Feels Wrong

Right now, almost a week after losing Dad, everything feels wrong.  Blogging.  Emailing. Answering my phone.  It's not even that I feel like I should be mourning or avoiding others, but more that I honestly don't know how to start again.  How to go "back" to whatever normal used to be.  Ignore it? Embrace it?  How to move forward, to return to real life, without fearing that everything will always feel "off," somehow.  

So I'm starting.  A friend once asked me what I'd blog about once the wedding was over and darned if I wasn't provided a clear answer.  Don't worry-- this blog won't morph into a Dad-only tribute, but it has always been a window into my life and so it shall continue to be.  It may be sad, as I'm updating about the memories and the funeral plans, but it will also be happy, when I get around to writing about the amazing honeymoon and indescribable wedding weekend.  

In short, though things feel wrong, I know they'll eventually return.  Back to whatever the new normal is.  Back to what Dad would've always wanted for B & myself for the first summer of our life as a married couple.  Now I just have to figure out what that is.

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