Bug Whisperer

I live with (and am married to) the Bug Whisperer. I'm sure you know people like B. Bugs love him, flock to him; he's the Pied Piper of winged creatures, much to his chagrin.

I first noticed this on our honeymoon, when we were waiting on our sunset cruise to depart and B was all but peeling the skin from his ankles. We've learned; now we have bug spray on hand and yet, still, bugs literally swarm him.

While moving in, we of course welcomed a few unintentional house guests through the near-constant opening and closing of doors. So now B's getting bitten inside.

But, fear not, for he has a secret. While he's also a Bug Whisperer, he's also the person most likely to send them to their maker. I once read that it's almost impossible to smush bugs because their eyes process faster than ours, so they literally see us coming even before we're there.

B, however, must have gotten rapid-fire magazine skills along with his perfect 20/20 vision. He can track and kill a mosquito with magazines, napkins, or, yes, even his bare hands. The only unwelcome result? We never notice them (of course) until after they've bitten us, so you can imagine what all these teeny-tiny smushed spots look like on our walls: blood.

I for one am thankful. I'll clean a wall, but I do NOT want to get eaten alive on my own couch. And for the first time ever, I'm sad that there aren't more spiders around, a sure result of the rampant baby lizard population that hops (yes, hops) around our sidewalks. Welcome to Florida!